


Lack of First Rights and No Regrets

by Diary



Category: Maurice (1987), Maurice - E. M. Forster
Genre: Bechdel Test Fail, Bottle Episode Fic, Canon Bisexual Character, Canon Gay Character, Canon Gay Relationship, Established Maurice Hall/Alec Scudder, Established Relationship, Families of Choice, Late Night Conversations, Love, M/M, Male Friendship, Maurice Hall/Alec Scudder in the Boathouse, POV Male Character, POV Maurice Hall, POV Queer Character, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-14
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-08-08 18:25:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7768429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diary/pseuds/Diary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the boathouse, Alec and Maurice talk. Complete.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lack of First Rights and No Regrets

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Maurice.

“You’ve never had anyone but me.”

Maurice’s stomach lurches, and he looks over. “No,” he agrees. “Does that matter?”

Sighing, Alec settles his hand on Maurice’s chest. “I’ve had others. They’ve had me, in a way, but never like you. If Durham had ever- you’d still be his, we both know.”

“I love you,” Maurice softly says.

“Because I’m the only one, or because I’m special? It’s not too late, for either of us. My brother and father will never let me live it down, but if I beg enough, they’ll help me out. You can go back to your own life.”

“What happened to ‘we shan’t never be parted’,” he demands.

“Only if that’s what you want, too,” Alec says. “From the bottom of your heart. I imagine you have, too, but I’ve seen a lot of people who get married, and maybe, they’re faithful in bed, and maybe, they’re not, but in their hearts, they ain’t. They want something or someone better, or they just regret every day. I don’t ever want to be anyone’s regret, their second choice, none of that.”

Closing his eyes, Maurice thinks for several moments.

Reopening them, he brings Alec’s hand up, kisses it, and rolls so he’s facing him. “If Clive and I ever shared- you’re right, I’d still be his. I’d like to think, I would have turned you away that first night.”

“But the thing is, I think that, if I were still his, I’d be regretting it, eventually. Just as you can’t give me first rights to your body, I can’t give you first rights to my heart. I loved him, Alec. And he broke my heart.”

“Part of me might always wonder, ‘what if,’ but that doesn’t stop me from loving you just as much as I once loved him. Perhaps, even more. I don’t want him, I don’t want anyone else. I want you. I am yours right now, and the only thing that’ll make that not so is if you decide not to keep me. And more than anything, I want you to let me be yours and be mine in turn. You’re so very special to me.”

Alec lets out a breath, leans forward, and gives him a gentle kiss. “I love you, too.”

Maurice feels his heart beating in a soothing manner and the rest of his body relaxes. He pulls Alec close.

“I want to know all about you,” Alec continues. “Tell me all your secrets and dreams, and I’ll tell you the rest of mine.”

“What do you want to know first?”

“Why don’t you go to church? I’ve never liked going, all those rituals, and the clergy. But me ma told stories when I was little from The Bible, and I don’t exactly remember how old I were, but I was outside once in the forest, it was a sunny day, the air was crisp, and I remember feeling, ‘Oh, so, this is God.’ It was so exciting and nice, like there was love and magic in the very air. I don’t need candles and old men and women to talk to God. When I do bad things, I soon enough feel it, and when I do good, I feel it, too. Everything else must be alright.”

“That’s a beautiful way of looking at it,” Maurice says. “I stopped going when I was at Cambridge, but the truth is, I don’t think I’ve ever felt God. I’ve largely taken my cues from society on what’s right and wrong, and needless to say, I’ve felt torn since I was relatively young.”

Alec smiles. “That’s alright. I’ve seen your heart. No matter what others say, I know he can’t wait to have those like you in Heaven. But he usually lets your type stay because people like me need them.”

He laughs. “I think I need you more than you need me.”

“Hm,” is Alec’s response. “The first time I ever had real doubts was when I was fifteen. See…”

“Ada and I have always gotten along well, but Kitty and I…”

They talk until sun filters through the boathouse windows.


End file.
